NFL
By: Jeffrey Newholm
In a pivotal moment in the original Matrix movie, the evil Agent Smith describes the machines’ motivations for their heinous acts to the hero Morpheus.
The matrix originally ran as a Utopia, Smith elaborates, but management scrapped the model.
Allegedly, humans knew intuitively that life is a bummer.
Team NBS Media posits a suggestion for the next matrix. If a subsequent Utopia contains women’s basketball even approximately as exciting as this season’s, humans will discover no reason to rebel.
Not even 36 hours after the NCAA committee revealed a refreshingly correct top 16 sneak preview, the second (South Carolina), sixth (LSU), eighth (NC State), and twelfth (Kansas State) overall seeds already endured a fortune reversal.
Not to worry, though, as Team NBS will still offer a quick analysis of the top eight teams that reflects Sunday’s and Monday’s contests.
Spokane One Regional
#1 UCLA experienced their first loss last week at the sword of JuJu Watkins and USC (more on the Trojans in a moment). Alas, it appears that conference realignment was not conducted with the “Olympic” sports in mind. Consider the hundreds of miles the Bruins need to travel to compete in the reimagined Big Ten.
Funny, though, how the Olympics successfully returned after multiple millenniums while American football needs automatic touchdown threats to support supposed aesthetic excellence.
#2 LSU experienced a dreaded come-from-ahead loss in Austin at the horns of a surging Texas program. Coach Kim Mulkey boasts a roster with unmatched talent. The Tigers need to continue to claw, however, with the Longhorns appearing as a new nemesis and South Carolina continuing to bamboozle still-rising programs.
LSU cannot be placed in the Gamecock or Longhorn regionals due to a no-repeat bracket principle.
Birmingham Two Regional
#1 South Carolina slew 71 consecutive foes in its raucous Colonial Life Arena, only to be:
Enough with the “only” belittlement! True, UConn played its game of the century to upset the Gamecocks. However, learning from mistakes will do more in March than winning every game in a snooze.
South Carolina has done enough to still be a one-seed in a geographically friendly Birmingham Regional.
#2 NC State met destiny’s devastation Sunday when a last-moment foul enabled North Carolina’s winning free throws. Thankfully, coach Wes Moore helps growth from all outcomes, be it good or misfortune. The top contenders appear to be separating from both the pack and Moore’s Wolfpack, though.
Birmingham Three Regional
#1 Texas continues to gore the Final Four’s door, only to experience that dang equal-and-opposite ricochet each time. Happily, the Longhorns’ SEC membership allows acres for Bevo to roam. Increased SEC competition and protection from South Carolina through the no-repeat principle could finally provide a green regional pasture.
#2 UConn’s southern shocker will not improve its standing much granted Connecticut’s earlier losses to USC and Notre Dame. Credit coach Geno, though, for his aggressive scheduling needed by conference realignment not conducted with Big East women’s basketball as a priority.
(No more beating a dead Husky over the realignments, Team NBS promises.)
Spokane Four Regional
#1 Notre Dame’s clover seemed to lose all four leaves in an unhappy interbellum between coach Muffet McGraw and a buildup under her player and mentee, Niele Ivey. With possible player of the year Hannah Hidalgo dominating both sides of the court, irrespective of half and direction, those leaves number enough for another bout of a “Tulipomania” bubble. Look out, Leprechaun: a new terror rises in South Bend.
(Hopefully without the need to shine shoes for no reason.)
#2 USC’s Watkins is revitalizing a sleeping power in LA. The hooper almost led her proud franchise back to the final weekend last season. However, a missed Trojan three in the Elite Eight allowed UConn to dash a coast’s dreams.
A stupendous fact about Hollywood? A sequel is always on the horizon for a superb show.
A Shining Moment Without End
Team NBS cannot help but wonder when humans realized the Utopia matrix for a sham.
Perhaps it was when too many schools overemphasized men’s sports.
Or it could have been recognition that baseball was too slow, football, sub-optimally paced.
What a day it must have been when their Neo smashed the projection. What will machines program first when scheming a dystopian replacement?
Certainly not a rapidly progressing sport like women’s basketball.
